Padmasambhava and Yeshe Tsogyel Tame God

Music. All enter, chanting Om Mani Padme Hum, and make offerings.

Narrator: This is a story about Padmasambhava and Yeshe Tsogyel. In old Tibet, there were many evil spirits-- wicked demons and powerful gods who wrought havoc on everyone.

voice 1- I'm going out now.

voice 2- Watch out for the flesh-eating demons, Honey!

voice 1- OK!

Narrator: The king of Tibet was beside himself...

King: Ay yi yi! all these awful ghosts and creatures are driving me crazy! Every time I turn a corner there's some nasty demon or other! Oh, no, here comes one now! (a small demon enters, starts chasing the King and grabs him and starts chewing on his leg)

Narrator: There were snake gods, earth goblins air demons, red rock spirits, ghosts of evil kings. . .

King: I think this one is a flesh eater!

Narrator: It was really bad.

King: All my people are suffering! whatever should I do?

Narrator: Call for help!

King: Who should I call?

Everybody: Padmasambhava!( Music starts)

Narrator: So the king of Tibet invited Padmasambhava (Padmasambhava enters, strikes a wrathful pose) the great magician, born from a lotus flower! Fearlessly facing evil beings and transforming them into awakened energy, followers and protectors of the holy dharma!

(Demon attacks Padma, they struggle. Yeshe appears, they both gesture, and the demon wakes up to its true nature, and starts to lick Yeshe's hand)

At his side, his trusty consort Yeshe Tsogyel, the great enchantress and bodhisattva, whose name itself means wisdom.
Together they were-- The dharma Avengers!

(They strike a pose back to back, several poses, including multi-armed pose and fighting actions, ending with them shaking hands and smiling. Padma lies down and goes to sleep. Yeshe looks around)

Now Yeshe Tsogyel's mind was as vast as space, no different from the Buddha's mind. One day while Padmasambhava slept, she woke him, saying:

Yeshe: throws water on Padmasambhava's face Hey, wake up, Padma!

Padma: What time is it?

Yeshe: 1999 A.D.

Padma: A.D.?

Yeshe: Its latin: anno domini-- year of our lord. they exchange looks

Padma:Where are we?

Yeshe: Chicago. Padma looks around.

Padma: Holy crap-- what happened? They turn, walk slowly upstage and then down

Yeshe: So Yeshe Tsogyel told Padmasambhava that America was haunted by an extremely powerful and dangerous spirit, called God the Father, or Jehovah, or just God. Though not evil, this god was very arrogant, and his followers had gone all over the world saying that he was the only god, enslaving and killing those who would not obey him. At last the strongest of these disciples, the Americans, had conquered the world with their technology, their commerce, and their law. She explained all this to Padmasambhava.

Padma: Let's Go. They fly around, stopping at person #1

Padma: Excuse me-- We're looking for God.

Person #1: I think he's in Oregon. Oh. no. that's Bill Gates-- sorry, can't help you. (they fly on, stopping at person #2)

Yeshe: Have you seen God?

Person #2: Try the Grand Canyon and one of these, dude!
(they look at each other and fly away, coming upon person #3)]

Padma: Pardon me, we're trying to find God.

Person #3: That's easy-- Just follow me! (walks off chanting Hare Krishna.
A child comes up to Padma, tugs at his sleeve)

Child: I know where God lives

Both Where? (Child points up). Thanks! (They make "silly me" faces and fly away. Padma knocks on heaven's door)

Padma: Excuse me-- are you God?

God: How did you get in here?

Yeshe: Look, God, you are confused. Recognize the pure nature of all things in emptiness; let go of your ignorance and become liberated in the great space of primordial mind.

God: What? Who do you think you are? I am God, the creator of all. I am who am! Worship me!

Padma: We don't do that.

God: Then be punished in the fires of Hell!

Yeshe: Oh, no, God, it's you who will burn in hell. In your arrogance you have forgotten that even gods must die. Don't you know that you have been many things in many lifetimes? Through your good karma you were born as ruler of the heavens and Earth, but your time is nearly over, and your evil karma and the evil deeds of your followers will ensure you rebirth in the lowest hell. It will take thousands of years to live out that lifetime and be reborn, so listen to my compassionate advice: practice the dharma now!

God: Huh?

Padma: Practice the dharma!

God:You're crazy!

Padma: Oh come on!

God: Forget it!

Padma: Please?

God: No Way!

Yeshe: Come on, God! It's for your own good and the benefit of all beings on Earth! Aren't you supposed to love them?

God: Well. I. . . No! This is my universe! Besides, I am the truth and the light, all knowing and all-good!

Yeshe: If you're so all good, what about the Inquisition?

Padma: What about the Crusades?

Yeshe: What about the witch-burnings?

Padma: What about Galileo?

Yeshe: What about the Indians?

God: Well, nobody's perfect---

Yeshe: Aha! Then how can you be the one true god?

God: I'll show you, you smug Buddhist trollop!

ACTION SEQUENCE: God rushes at Yeshe: Padma shields her they stare, she raised her hand he raises his hand they play rock paper scissors, two out of three Yeshe wins, he grabs her arm and they struggle. She passes him off to padma, and they indian wrestle. Padma wins, and holds God in an arm lock. While God struggles, they tickle him.

Yeshe: Look, God, you are confused. Recognize the pure nature of all things in emptiness; let go of your ignorance and become liberated in the great space of primordial mind.

Padma: Give up! Surrender and promise to become a protector of the dharma for the Americans, so they will become wise and gentle, happy, generous and peaceful. . .

God: Can I still be called the One Truth?

Padma: No!

God: can people still worship me?

Yeshe: Sure, what do we care? As long as they are free to worship other gods and follow other paths.

God: (disappointed) Awww. . .

Padma: And you can't make them feel guilty for not being perfect.

God: Oh, all right. . .

Yeshe: Or for sex!

God: But. . . (Padma twists his arm) alright, alright, I promise.

Padma: And?

God: I promise to protect the dharma!

Yeshe: Thank God!

Padma: Thanks, God! Bye now!

Yeshe: 'Bye! Don't forget your promise!

God: Jesus!

Narrator: And so God was tamed. Now this story isn't true-- but it could be, if we invite Padmasambhava to come to America. Should we? Then join us in chanting the mantra of compassion!

Sits chanting Om Mani Padme Hum. God takes off mask, joins him. Yeshe burns the paper; the music climaxes, then calms.

All: By this merit may all attain omniscience. May it defeat the enemy, wrongdoing. From the stormy waves of birth, old age, sickness and death, from the ocean of samsara may I free all beings.